“I slowly learnt to love my self and to slowly fix myself. There are two pictures of me. Pre-COVID and just before I went back to work. My weight always formed part of how I felt about myself. I am not where I want to be physically, I’m certainly out of shape but I’m happy with how I look and more importantly feel
I didn’t do anything special; I didn’t join any crazy health plans; I certainly didn’t start running…seriously. Why?? I could not run bath and the phrase “running for fun” is purely oxymoronic in my opinion.
I downloaded a food app to track how much food I was eating, it also split the foods into Green (fruits veggies tea (THANK THE LORD) and whole-wheat grains), Yellow (Proteins, pasta), Red (Sugars, fats) and allowed me to adapt my food intake to suit my preferences. I also started walking and taking the occasional cycle ride, nothing too strenuous but just enough to get my heart rate up a little.
113kg to 94kg is a massive step. I wanted to be 90kg before going back to work, but here is the thing. Feeding my soul with daily walks in the sunshine and music, feeding my body with fruit and veggies, water and tea…I don’t care about not being 90kg. I’m happy with what I’ve achieved, and I know I will continue to lose weight as I continue to feed these things into my mind and body.
I’ve also learned that just sitting is important. I am an “antsy” person, I need to be doing something most of the time, but sitting out in the sun, drinking tea just listening to the world around me, even if its just for 10 minutes, is worth 10 weekends away at a health-spa.
I’ve re-learned to “Mend & make do”, that no amount of money will buy you happiness. The simple pleasure of fixing a rotten and wobbly garden shed, cooking a meal from scratch, baking home made breads, building a wood store out of an old pallet or building a complex deck with curves and angles is more satisfying than buying replacements or getting somebody to do it for you.
I’ve also learned about time. Or to be more precise, how to see time differently. I work in an industry where time is critical, decisions need to be instant and results need to be perfect. Actually, this is all nonsense. I’ve spent a good potion of my lock down, “fixing” my garden, but gardens do not respond to instant request for perfection. Cutting back bushes actually makes the garden look worse than when you started but give it time and it will look better. Digging out a flower bed looks awful after its done, but rake it over , let it settle, plant a few things and give it a couple of weeks and it starts to look better.
Our garden will never be “complete”. My dear neighbours, have been doing theirs for 50 years and they still say its not finished or perfect. Accepting imperfections and ugliness is part of the growth of the garden and ironically, I’ve learnt this is also a metaphor for my own growth.
I’m lucky, I know that, by whatever grace you believe in, my life is a lot better than about 97% of the world we live in. If you are reading this far, chances are you are the same. I’m never going to take anything for granted again. My friends who I’ve “Zoomed” with, those who we had conversations across the garden fence. The world I live in, the countryside I am so lucky to be around me. My children, who are funnier and smarter and more sarcastic than I could ever have hoped for. My friends, who, however we kept in touch, are so special to me. My parents who, when we all came down with COVID took risks to their own health to drop off food (and tea), who have never left my side for one minute of my life and I know that now. My sister, who, even being 8000 miles away, we still prove that distance is immaterial and help will always be unconditionally offered in this family, without any expectation of payback. My neighbours, who we lost one only a couple of days ago due to old age. Thank you, you have made a small part of our world perfect. And last, but no means least. My beautiful, sexy, intelligent, kind, gentle, and, most of all, tolerant wife. She has been my absolute anchor; I love her so much and we move into a another phase of our “kooky” life together. She makes me want to be a better person.
The world we are moving into will be different, must be different. We have coped without needing “That thing” whatever it is, economic growth is not reliant on the human desire for things. It can happen just the same with the human desire to help others. The challenge I am setting myself is, do I need “that” thing? Or can I cope without it. Can somebody else benefit form things I no longer need instead of throwing them away. Can somebody you know be helped by posting a little bit of money to them to help them get through the week? Change and growth comes slowly, it takes time, it may require personal sacrifice, it may indeed look ugly during the process and change is never finished.
Thank you for getting this far. Stay safe, live life oh…and always, ALWAYS eat cake…unless it takes you over your RED food daily intake then grab an apple 😊 😊 😊. The challenge will be whether I can maintain this after I re-start work.. Read Part III next week to find out. ”